


Seascapes(Blood Without Water)

by wano



Category: One Piece
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Conflict, Cooking, Crew Dynamics, Drama, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Recovery, Whump, torture is off screen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wano/pseuds/wano
Summary: Luffy was always unshakable. He kept all the painful memories buried with a shovel, instead choosing to sail for greater tides. But Zoro was too late this time, and now he needs to drag out the words he knows his captain will never say. And Sanji smokes more than usual, watching the way it swirls in the air like when he watched the stars in the sky when he was young. And there's no explanation, no repentance, just a truth that weighs harsher then words.-  When the unthinkable happens to Luffy, everyone must work to keep him afloat. But Zoro and Sanji deal with a burden so heavy it threatens to drag them back to sea.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy & Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates, Monkey D. Luffy & Roronoa Zoro, Monkey D. Luffy & Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	Seascapes(Blood Without Water)

_There were seascapes inside of your head_

_And blood on the tips of your fingers._

_I knew you better then I knew my own name_

_Yet I never managed reach you._

_And the tides ran red next Tuesday_

_But I woke up as if nothing had changed._

* * *

The first thing he’s able to take in is Zoro’s face.

How horrified it looks. 

Zoro was never the most expressive- stoic and straight face with the occasional grin. But the way Zoro looks now is simply wrong, eyes widened in fear, mouth agape in shock, and shaking. His swordsman never showed fear. But this was beyond fear.

He hears his cracked voice “L-Luffy?” He stutters. 

Zoro never stutters.

He wants to answer. That's what he has to do now, what remains necessary after all of this. To simply address his first mate should not be hard. But when he speaks, no sound comes out. He can vividly remember screaming, but the details aren't clear. How long he had been here he did not know - he only remembered pain, searing him all the way to his bones, the grasp of his shaking hands against metal as he struggled to breathe in, the way fiery agony flared through him so intensely he forgot how to breathe momentarily.

But there was an anger- a vicious and fierce and tearing anger that arose inside him. And it came from seeing the pain in his first mate’s eyes. He was panicking, in a state the captain had never seen him before. He was saying words but they washed over him like waves.

_I can’t touch him…_

His hands were covered in blood and burns. He tried to move them, and the pain came again. It tore into him like vicious teeth, rippling throughout his body and making him spasm.

_Please…_

He felt Zoro’s hands on him, they were unexpectedly gentle. His hands were rough, and they were shaking too. They didn’t feel like the swordman’s hands usually did when he grasped him underwater (He loved that, truly, how Zoro came to save him every time, just like this.) Or when they brushed against him when they worked on the ship together, side by side as usual. Or on dark days, with the dripping of the sink sounding a relentless rhythm that echoed throughout his head like a hurricane, how those gentle touches would comfort him.

_I’m going to get hurt again. They liked hurting me. But Zoro will protect me. He always does. I need to reach him! I have too!_

But it was painful, even when Zoro touched him like the agony was a flock of migrating monarchs overwhelming him and making him see stars. And Zoro’s touch was never supposed to hurt- so there much have been a mistake, some irregularity in then world. Perhaps the tectonic plates had shifted, or the magnetic poles had shifted, or the earth had started spinning at a different degree. It was wrong, painfully wrong.

Some kind of sound came out of him somehow because of Zoro’s touch, his attempts to undo the restraints and comfort him with his hands. But it didn’t sound human, distorted and dissonant and wrong. Nevertheless, a sound of pure and unfettered desperation and agony.

_Please. Zoro, I’m drowning._

It was so painful that it whited out all of his senses. Soundless tears came out of his eyes- but he wasn’t sobbing. He couldn’t for he could barely breathe. But it was there, coming out of his eyes like it was the entire ocean. Hearing him, seeing this, seemed to snap something in his swordsman. He couldn’t recognize the figure in front of him, looking down on him with unimaginable pain and sorrow. His yelling didn’t get through to him- there was a recurring and loud ringing in his ears and static that muffled his head. 

Zoro brought his hand to his cheek. He was still yelling, still speaking somehow. And Luffy tried to shut away the pain- wishing he could move his head so he could lean farther into Zoro’s hand. The sensation of his swordsman’s touch became his rock in the tumultuous waters. He felt the rough hands brush over all the dried blood and tears and that was safety. He needed that, he craved it, he lived for it.

And as Zoro brushed his teary face, he noticed something even more wrong. Far more wrong then all of this, like the world had turned upside down or the seas had gone backward.

Leaning over his severely bloody and broken captain, and holding his cheek as he cried in what was obviously unbearable suffering that he’d had to torturously endure for far too long, tears began to form in Zoro’s eyes.

_Zoro doesn’t cry._

_I must be dead, because Zoro doesn’t cry._

* * *

Zoro entwined their fingers. Luffy's hands were marred, scarred in a way that made him sick, deep down the core of his being. It was wrong because Luffy was his light and yet he had endured something horrifying beyond words. And he was far too late, and Luffy had payed the price for that mistake

And Luffy weakly looked up into his eyes. 

“Luffy. You’re awake- Oy, can you recognize me? You’re safe now.”

“Zoro…” Luffy’s voice was broken, if he himself not broken. It sounded like static, a song with the chords all cut and trampled. It was raw and painful to hear.

“Luffy.” He held his hand a little more, but not tight in a way that would hurt him. He was a broken bird- fragile now. “I’m here. It’s over. You’re home.”

Luffy stared. _Home…?_ His mind wasn’t clear yet. But he could remember bits and pieces- a burning feeling, the sight of his own blood so red and vivid. Pain, intense, and filled with wrath. There were people there- doing this. He was drugged, so he could not see them clearly. It felt as if his mind had just existed in the pain for far too long. _Someone did this to me._ He stared down at himself- every part he could see was covered in bandages. He could see the dark outlines and dried blood on some and it made him shudder. _Was it the government or the marines?_

“Those mystery people. What happened to them, Zoro?”

He looked away.

“They’ll never touch you again.”

Luffy would have tilted his head if he could move. His voice was raspy, but his gaze was firm and knowing.”You killed them, huh, Zoro?”

The swordsman grit his teeth. He didn’t want Luffy to know. How he’d found Luffy’s horribly tortured body. The way he’d seem him cry and broke his heart into a million pieces.

Finding them was not hard. They were nearby. He made sure they suffered before they died. Usually, Zoro was a pragmatic killer. But not this time. Not today. Anyone who could watch Luffy- the one he’d dedicated his life too, one who spread hope to all the others around him in that state of suffering and _enjoy it_ deserved to go through it a thousand times more in hell. 

He burned it all down. It went out in a blaze. All the blood on the ground, the rusty table where they’d tortured him, he destroyed. He was a wildfire. And then saw what they’d used on him and vomited, clutching the hem of his shirt.

When he walked out of there with the severely injured Luffy cradled in his arms, the burning shed behind him cast him in a terrifying light as he held that feeble body, he focused on its remaining warmth as his heart ripped itself apart in its strife.

When he gently placed Luffy’s broken body on the floor, covered in blood and the crew rushed over, crying and asking questions and rushing to treat him, he didn’t say a word.

He didn’t listen to any of them. He shut it all out. 

He pretended he was killing them again. It was so easy, he wanted to do it again.

“I’d do anything for you, Luffy.” He deflected. _I’d take it all for you, a thousand times over._

His captain giggled. “Of course you would! I’m your captain, after all.”

The laugh he let out was rumbly and hoarse- it wasn’t normal. It would take a long time for him to go back to normal, for them all to go back to normal. But Luffy was fearless, a tsunami in his own right. He could get through, they all could. But nobody would come out the other side of it unscathed. He had never seen suffering of that caliber.

“Talk to me, Luffy.”

Luffy tried to pull closer. He couldnt move. The familier anger came back. But Zoro saw him try. He leaned into his captain.

Luffy put his face in his shoulder. A gentle hand brushed his hair

_I want you to stay, Zoro._

His hands were still in so much pain, but he clenched Zoro’s tight. And he felt something happen, some flood let loose in him. He was crying, all of a sudden. But it wasn’t a sad cry. It was filled with relief. 

“I-It was too much, Zoro.” He sobbed. Zoro felt his tears, he felt the earth and air shake heavily around him. 

_I didn’t have you to keep my head above water. I couldn’t breathe._

As Luffy sobbed in his arms, Zoro’s head was filled with guilt. He wanted nothing more than to have taken his place. Why him? Why Luffy? He trembled with a familiar rage, the tiger staring down at him. If his fury had a voice it would be a war.

“You’re strong. Your so strong, Luffy. And you’re safe. I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again.”

Luffy wiped away a tear. “I’m your captain, so I shouldn’t cry to you, huh?” He said with a week giggle.

“There's strength in showing your emotions.” Zoro retorted.

He wiped his face. “Yeah! But I’ll be fine, Zoro.”

“You don’t have to pretend.” He said solemnly.

“....I have to focus on protecting everyone.” He said weakly. _Now I know the price of failure. Its another burden._ He’d go through hell all over again if it meant protecting his friends- he shuddered at the thought of it happening to anyone in his crew.

Zoro’s brow furrowed in a solemn frustration. He gently wrapped another arm around Luffy. He struggled to lean into his touch, and the swordsman’s heart lurched again, a pang of great care and grief. 

“Right now, we have to protect you.”

“I…” He fumbled. He knew he wasn’t fine. “I will be okay.”

“There’s no shame in being hurt nor recovering, Luffy. It’s happened to all of us. You can't force yourself to feel better right away or focus on something else. Not after how I saw you back then.” His whole body shook from the memory. He did not sleep. It always came to haunt him. The way he looked, crying into his palm… 

“You’re not okay.” He snapped. It was harsh, but it was true.

Luffy sighed in resignment. There was no fight left in him. He had already broken. ”Your right…”

A pause.

“Hey, Zoro? Thanks for saving me every time.” He said with a weak smile.

Zoro felt his voice break. “You’re the one who saved me.”

* * *

A routine of sorts began to emerge. Every time Luffy slept, Zoro went out for training. He’d come back battered and tired, subject to concern from his crewmates. But he didn’t mind. They were all different now. Luffy hated it, and they knew it, but they didn’t know how to be themselves anymore.

He would strike everything with immense force, drawing deep gashes in the land. Before, it was meditative and calm. But now it was unruly, a sense of fury permeating every step, a tiger without his dragon left to run rabid. Time didn’t exist, just rage. Sometimes he saw Luffy again, crying out to him with his eyes, surrounded with his own blood. Or how he looked at him weakly on the infirmary bed. He’d look back to the first day he’d met him. Luffy was his beginning. He’d feel like crying again, but instead, he’d just yell. He couldn’t suffer in silence, nobody could. He’d feel blood on his hands, and he hated the sight of it nowadays because it reminded of that god forsaken place before he burned it to the ground. No evidence of his captains suffering remained, yet he felt it so hard he choked. And he saw it when he fell asleep.

He didn’t sleep much lately. Besides training, all he did was see Luffy. It was like he didn't exist.

He passed out from exhaustion a few times. He imagine he looked like a wreck. Nobody said it because he didn’t have to be told.

Although there were a few attempts at intervention. Nami tried to speak. But she wasn’t quite herself anymore. None of them were. Her eyes were dull. When she first saw what happened to Luffy, he had to leave the boat for days. He hated hearing her cry, but she couldn’t stop. But she was strong inside, and he had known that ever since he met the bright-eyed girl on their first adventure years before.

Sanji, too, tried to help in his own way, but it was in more of a “You look like a damn wreck, go fix yourself up” way. And they fought more than usual, grasping for a semblance of normalcy. And they both felt it, the way they held onto the last threads of it because they were terrified of letting go. And perhaps that vulnerability led to greater animosity, even though they could both understand the weight of their failure. 

“You look so tired, Zoro. Everyone does.” 

He’d know Luffy’s voice anywhere, but the raw sound made it sound like he was still in pain and it was always disconcerting to hear.

“It’s because we’re all worried about you, Luffy.”

He didn’t know. He hadn’t been able to move around the ship yet. The atmosphere was so foreign it knocked him down when he stepped away. It was Luffy’s room and the rest of the world, a stain across this cold earth.

“Yeah, but I like it when you guys smile! There’s lots to be happy for. And you gotta take care of yourself, or I cant be pirate king!”

 _I swear he’s the only thing that keeps me going._ Hearing Luffy talk about his dream made him smile for the first time in weeks. A flash, a small moment, but it was there. It was always him- he was always his happiness. _Luffy wants us to be happy. We have to be strong for him._

He looked down at his hands. Luffy could move them a little. “Why are yours bandaged, Zoro? Did something happen?!” He shifted in his bed and Zoro slunk back.

“No- I was just training! It’s nothing to worry about-“ He retorted.

“What’s wrong with you! You need sleep. You can’t destroy yourself because of this!” He challenged. “It’s too quiet here on this ship. It’s wrong…It’s like someones gone away.”

He sighed, trying to think of how to word it. “We all haven’t been getting sleep. We’re all worried about you, Luffy.”

“I’m not about to have my crew destroy themselves for me! I can’t lose everything I’ve worked to protect, not after what I’ve been through! It’s just so hard- I can’t see what’s going on outside this room. Something always feels wrong.” He sighed, lifting his hand away from Zoro’s and lying back down on the bed, covering his face in the blanket. “I’m sorry… It’s probably just me.” 

Zoro put a hand on his back. “You’re right. I haven’t been a good… first mate. People aren’t drawn to me. They’ve always feared me. I don’t know how to be like you. Or how to bring others together.”

“All you do is run, huh?” Asked Luffy. “I’ve never heard you on the ship unless your here with me.”

“Yeah. I’m supposed to be the greatest swordsman. But I can’t cope with my own guilt. I always see you, Luffy. Back then, when I first found you.”

Luffy gave a sad laugh. “Wasn’t very captain-like of me, was it?”

“You were _suffering_ , Luffy.” He growled.

“I still am. Because my crews sad, and I can feel it! And I always want them to be happy.”

“You’re fond of putting others before yourself.”

“You’re the most important thing in my entire life,” Luffy told him matter-of-factly. “You and the whole crew, you’re my family. I always care.”

Zoro sighed. He felt the warmth of Luffy’s back through the covers. 

“I’ll get everyone for you.” 

I _can’t argue with my captain. He’s right, after all; we don't know how to cope with all the horrors we saw. With everything we know Luffy had to suffer through for us._

“Hehe, Thanks Zoro! Oh...But could you stay for now?”

“I won't go until you tell me too.” He responded. 

Luffy put a hand on his scarred hand that was touching his back and a comfortable silence arose between the two. “That’s my first mate.”

 _My beginning and my ending_ , thought Zoro wistfully.

* * *

It didn’t take long to get everybody there. They hadn’t all been with Luffy since he had awoken. Zoro knew it was the guilt because he felt how it weighed on him stronger then any other emotion as if his very instincts brought those thoughts to the surface. And he knew they must feel the same.

“Everyones here! Hey, I missed you, you know! What gives!” Luffy pouted to then all.

Zoro crossed his arms. _They don’t know how to confront this. Nobody does._ It was the weight of failure, perhaps, failure to protect the captain who had always reached a hand out to show them the light.

They all talked to him, though. Told him how they were doing. In the most enthralling manner they could. Luffy listened intently, eyes sparkling as he responded with all of his former excitement as if the light in his eyes was not burned out for as long as it had been...

“W-well, I’ve been doing a lot of work on my inventions, lately!” Usopp’s voice held a twinge of awkwardness like he was struggling to think of the words he was supposed to say. When it came down to it, he ran away in more ways than one. They were all cowards in heart. “I’m going to get stronger now… So I can protect you.”

Zoro saw the way his fist shook under the table and averted his eyes.

“I’m researching.” Everyone knew what Robin meant, except Luffy. She was working with the Revolutionary Army to get to the bottom of what had happened. Sabo had visited a few days before, and the depths of his rage could be felt for miles. If his anger and failure was a stalking, furious tiger, then Sabo was a dragon of guilt, winding through the clouds and drowning itself in the ocean.

“Most of us have been up to the usual, I’ve been drawing maps and… You know, hoping that things will be okay..” Nami seemed to stare off into space oddly. She hadn’t been doing anything with her maps. Zoro saw her in that same corner of that dark room. It was something, he supposed, even if she was lying through her teeth.

“I’ve … umm…” Franky pulled out his electric guitar and strummed it. “The truth is we’ve all been SO worried about you, Luffy!” He pulled out a tissue and started crying while playing with the electric guitar on his lap “We just love you so much!” Brook scooted next to him, playing the violin. “That’s right! If I could cry, I would be crying right now! Ah, but all I can so is play the violin…”

Luffy clapped as the two played. “I love that song! Keep going!”

“IT’S NOT A HAPPY SONG!” Brook and Franky retorted. “Oh, but I’d gladly play for you anytime!” Brook added afterward, strumming his violin again.

Sanji took a drag of his cigarette. He was the only one that didn’t respond to Luffy’s question. There was something fucked up inside of him, although he remained stoic when anyone interacted with him. He could see it in the way that he moved, the way he now smoked almost constantly as his hands shook like fragile paper cranes when he desperately lit up another cigarette, sitting in dark corners and festering with unspoken rage.

 _You better get it out, Sanji. Or it’s going to destroy you._ Zoro thought absent-mindedly.

Luffy seemed incredibly cheerful to have everybody here, though. He was the sun that brought light over them after they had been deprived. As always, he made it up to them, made it better for them.

“I had a dream last night- Oh, it was a really cool one! Anyway, I’m sure you wanna hear it! So there was this big whale, and Traffy and Jaggy were there, and guess what! It joined our crew, so then we…” He eventually trailed off, coming into his own. He told them stories, and Zoro found himself feeling lighter- they all were feeling his love and the warmth of it. They missed his nonsense, really.

And yet as he went on, Zoro wondered about how he felt inside. He never spoke about the events that had happened in his past. Perhaps he would push this down, push it away and never let it be seen again. Just like how he pushed away the things that still made him feel.

 _It’s never going to be right like this._ But as he saw the way his crewmates laughed and talked with Luffy, an outpour of joy and relief and love, he felt it was a start. After all, Luffy never lost himself and never would, and when one of his own started to crumble away he’d suffer the weight of all they carried just to put them back together. 

They all talked until they fell asleep.

Nobody wanted to leave Luffy. As they had when Nami fell ill years ago, they all slept in the same room by his side.

Chopper was curled into his shoulder and Nami laid her head on the bed. Usopp was stretched out, and Franky and Brook had collapsed after many a duet. Robin lay beside Nami, grasping an old book she had been in the middle of reading (Though, the distraction of the chatter had kept her talking instead of reading.)

The only one who stayed up was Sanji, who seemed to be swaying with the water as if he had let go of his own gravity, and the teetering of the ship overcome his greater instincts.

Zoro watched him with one eye open. He didn’t move, but he swore Sanji could tell how his intent gaze burned through him. He let it swallow him whole until the swordsman leaned back and closed his eyes for sleep that he knew would not come.

In the middle of the night, things began to stir.

Like a field mouse in the underbrush, he felt a twinge beside him.

_Luffy._

He came closer. Luffy faced him, but he was staring at a ghost- of walking into that tattered building where the vivre card lead to a body mere inches from death, fighting with the last of what he had. He could see it written all over his face- fear, and not the shallow type. He looked like a cornered animal, flinching in his sleep, pain evident across his features down to the tips of his fingernails. 

“Luffy, I’m here.” A gesture, so simple and cathartic in the way that he moved. Not to scare or hurt but to heal. He brushed aside his hair where newly-healed scars remained and held his cheek just like before. The influx of emotion was heavy and weighed him down like an anchor.

Even in sleep, Luffy appeared to lean towards his touch. He needed it desperately, it was the light at the end of his tunnel and the end to the contortions of pain he had been suffering in both in the waking world and at rest.

“Nnh..S-stop….You’re hurting me....” Luffy groaned quietly.

Zoro felt his heart shatter ruthlessly at Luffy’s pained words. “Luffy. No. It isn’t real. Can’t you hear me?” He whispered, drawing closer to him.

“N-no.. Help me, Zoro…” He breathed.

He felt a waterfall was surging forward and battering down on his heart. _Why him?_ He wondered for the hundredth time. He felt the sick feeling of guilt in his veins. _Why did he have to suffer like this? Why?_

He slunk into bed next to him and held his still-broken body gently in his arms. “It’s over… It’s not real….” And Zoro wasn’t one to be tender, his fingers so rough and his skin laying witness to the blood of others far too much. And yet in that moment, he exuded gentleness, for his only desire was to protect him from himself and the inevitable horrors that lay in his head.

“D-don’t… touch my crew…” Luffy murmured again, and Zoro’s eyes widened. And yet there was no surprise in it, for Luffy always put them first. Far too many times, too many to ever be alright. 

All Zoro could do was hold his shaking body closer, let it exist as a part of him and grieve alongside him for all the injustice and cruelty fate had brought. And it felt like he was holding the ocean in a storm, a ship slowly capsizing to its own tumultuous fate. The waters slowly calmed under his arms, and he felt Luffy unconsciously shift closer as if he recognized Zoro as the safety he was looking for.

_He was calling out to me, but there was nothing I could do._

He felt like the ground was going to swallow him and leave him buried there forever, choking on his own guilt and grief. 

_There was nothing I could do._

As Zoro held the quieting Luffy in his arms, he looked at the rest of the room. Nobody seemed to have heard, all in the positions he had seen them asleep in beforehand, but he could not know for sure. With the exception of Sanji, who was still sitting up in the same place as before. 

But he saw his shoulders shake and soundless tremors wrack his body, and it did not take more than a quick glance for Zoro to know that he was crying.

* * *

Eventually, Luffy regained himself. It was a long process. He was so badly scarred, and he wobbled while he walked. He still looked like a limping seagull, and Zoro always came over to steady him and was met with a knowing look every time.

He knew he was being too protective. But he also knew he couldn’t stay away. 

He watched his captain carefully. Especially when he was by the edge of the hull, where ocean waves crashed against the hall. To him, the sea was another enemy. It was his fate to take down all that could destroy him, all that could break the shaky foundation he had struggled to bring up.

And Luffy was an expert at bringing back normalcy, apart from the few times he would flinch or jump or look at one of the crew members like he didn’t recognize them, and they would all be gripped by that familiar sorrow, threatening to drag them all down.

“Am I different now?”

He was laying on Zoro’s lap and watching the stars. 

“Your still Luffy,” Zoro responded.

_Irreplaceable. Like nobody else. Impossible to predict or understand, yet so easy to love._

“Still your captain?”

“Until the day that I die,” Zoro responded sincerely.

He giggled a little. “Everybody is so sad when they look at me. But you and Sanji, you’re just angry.”

 _Ourselves. We’re angry at ourselves._ But he didn’t say that. Because he knew Luffy would blame himself. He probably already did.

_He remembered when he was captured. The sheer terror and panic. They had his Vivre card, of course, but the ones who captured it were faster, farther._

_When it started burning, getting worse, and worse, everybody was incredibly desperate. And he came downstairs at night to see Sanji holding the Vivre Card with shaking hands. It had widdled down to merely a shred. He held his lighter, and Zoro saw how badly he wanted to burn himself to ashes in his own anger. He swore, shattering the masts with his leg. And he ran at Zoro, sweeping his foot back and he drew his sword on instinct, but Sanji froze and hesitated at the last minute._

_“Hit me. Knock some god damn sense into me. Please.” Sanji pleaded._

_“Since when did you ask me for favors?” Zoro retorted.” Get your own help, we’re all struggling here.”_

_“I deserve it.”_

_“Enough with that attitude,” Zoro growled, lifting him roughly by the collar. “We all share this burden. It’s not just you.”_

_“I-I…” Sanji looked away, a hand on his collar. “I hurt him. I still see him looking up at me, that damn smile of his even though he’d broken a tooth and was covered in all the dust and rain, yet he still looked at me like I’d given him the whole damn world instead of tearing it away from him. And who the hell is he that nice? Why is he always so god damn nice? What the hell did I ever do for the world?”_

_On shaky legs, he lowered himself to the ground, crouching in front of Zoro and holding back tears._

_“So I wanted to suffer with him. I want to suffer with him. If it’s the only thing I can do in this world, then I’ll do it.”_

_“And what would Luffy think..?” Zoro questioned._

_“I know how angry he’d be. And maybe he’d finally give me what I’d deserve. We’d be even then, wouldn’t we?” Sanji gave a shaky laugh, clutching the floorboards with his fingers._

_“You’ll never be even with him. None of us could possibly begin to match up with him. Come to your senses. Be there for when he survives this.”_

_He left Sanji shaking on the floor. He looked back at him, and their eyes met. He was asking for something he couldn’t give. How selfish to ask for repentance at a time like this. He’d always been a fool. And yet he knew deep down that the two of them were exactly the same._

“Its because we care about you,” Zoro responded.

_And its because we couldn’t save you in time, we had to watch you suffer from the view of a burning piece of paper that told us only you must be in horrible agony and there was no knowing how much time was left for us._

A hand on his _._ “I don’t like seeing you this way.”

“I don’t like seeing you suffer either, Luffy.” He’d already seen it all, his captain broken beneath his feet and it made him feel like he could no longer breathe.

He stood up. “Zoro. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself, Zoro.” He started to step away from him, and the light of the moon shone on him reverently. His king looked down upon him, broken but not shattered and it left his mind blank for a few moments as he took it all in. “You saved me, Zoro.”

“I was too late. It’s my duty to protect you. Of course I blame myself.”

“But you were there, Zoro!” He retorted. “I knew you’d come.” 

“I shouldn’t have let you get captured in the first place! I shouldn’t have let them hurt you! The things they did to you, Luffy. I don't know how I can ever sleep again. I saw it. I saw what they used on you. I...” He froze, unable to speak, his memories burning with the sight of the horrific room, the blood on the floor, and the way Luffy spasmed and cried like a beached whale.

“Zoro.” He said tenderly, leaning down and touching his fingertips to his cheek. 

“When you came to me, you touched my face like this and I knew that it was finally over.”

And he took a few steps back and fell backward into the sea.

He seemed to suspend in the air for a minute, and Zoro’s heart lurched in shock.

“OY! LUFFY!”

He ran over to the side of the deck, panicking. _No. No. Not again. Not again._

His head was spinning. This was a different fear then he felt before all this had happened. Normally, him falling off the ship was met with annoyance. But now he dove in without hesitation, stroking through the water with wild terror and searching for the body beneath. 

_No. He has to be safe. Why did he fall? Why?_

He dove down, deep into the abyss of the sea.

When his fingertips brushed Luffy’s waterlogged body, he true him closer, tight enough to crush him out of sheer desperation. They broke the surface quickly, and in his panic, he shook Luffy roughly. “WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” He yelled.

Luffy coughed, water spilling out of his mouth, and gave a weak smile.

“You couldn’t stop me from falling, but you saved me, just like you always do!”

And Zoro froze and stared at him for a long, long, time.

And then he held Luffy close as they floated above the sea.

“You’re going to be the death of me, you know.” He said, and both him and Luffy knew that more then they knew anything else.

Beyond the night stars, the faintest hint of the rising sun peeked over the horizon, shining a faint light over their embrace.

* * *

He saw Sanji as he walked into the kitchen during an obscurely late hour of the night. Sanji was riddled with complicated emotions. He saw it in his eyes, how they dulled like a gem without color.

“Sanji.” He told him, as he entered the doorway to the kitchen. It took a while for the cook to stir. 

He knew Luffy was there, of course. He could have seen him a million miles away. On different islands, across the oceans, somewhere farther then they could ever imagine. 

Sanji put his cigarette down. It was dark, but Luffy could make out the figure of the cook approaching. He stopped right there in the doorway and Luffy didn’t have to try to make out the outlines of his face in the pale light to know how he felt.

And Sanji put his forehead down, and his blonde hair brushed Luffy’s chest right above his scar.

“I’m sorry for every single thing that I’ve ever done.” He said.

And Luffy put his hands around his head gently, the light of the windows brightening up the strands of his hair with an otherworldly glow as if the two were surrounded by fireflies.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Not one thing in your life.” He said, his head tucked into his shoulder and his arms around his head.

“Every single one of us is at fault because we couldn’t protect you, Luffy.”

“Then we’re all at fault, because I wasn’t able to protect myself.” He replied.

“Your wrong.” He said, shaking. “It’s different with you. You’re everything to me, to all of us. And I’ve failed to pay you back for so damn long.”

“You think you owe me a debt. But every time you cook up something really yummy for me to eat, that’s better then any payment I could receive. If you want to pay me back, then I just want to see you cook happily again.”

He stood back, taking in Luffy’s words. His hair was frazzled out on the ends, and his eyes were dark from lack of sleep. “I’d do anything for you.” He told him, and that was enough in itself.

But when Sanji saw his broken body after Zoro had dropped it, begging him and shouting at him for a chance to _speak,_ To know what kind of bastard did this so he could tear them apart from limb to limb the swordsman said nothing and only wallowed in his own fury. Because the way Luffy looked on the ground, although far more injured than he was back then, reminded him of a field covered in rain where he lay there broken too. And it was frustrating when he saw the blood on his swords. because he knew Zoro had reached into that fabricated idea of a shot at repentance in his mind and tore it straight from his head. And that was inconceivable because he knew he could never measure up to Luffy’s expectations, which consisted of absolutely nothing, yet were everything in his eyes.

“Stop acting like you have something to apologize for. Cook, Sanji. We can do it together.”

He sighed. “Tell me what you want.” _There’s never an answer with him. There's only the truth we have to face every night, or everytime we see the wicked scars across his body._

“You know what I want!” He grinned.

“You want me to cook you meat at three in the morning, Don’t you?” He sighed. His captain was still relentlessly lovable.

Luffy clung onto his shoulders like a monkey. “That’s my Sanji.”

Luffy watched intently as he got his cooking wares out. He never understood them, the shiny and polished pans and pots and strange tools he got in every odd shape and color. He remembered when Sanji’s eyes were a little brighter when he asked energetically for some mystery cooking tools at a local village and asked if he could buy them. He titled his head and gave a quick “Sure!” which prompted Sanji to make the purchase excitedly. Later, Nami gave him a long lecture about “saving the crews finances” which made him fall asleep really quickly.

But what was important to Sanji was important to him. 

And Sanji began to cook the meat, Luffy barraged him with questions such as “Why does that go there? Why do you do that?” And Sanji gave him some crazy response for each one, chalking it up to the molecular properties of food which made his brain just go into complete mush trying to understand what the hell cooking was all about.

He grabbed a bunch of spices from the cabinet at one point, stretching his arms to carry them all and yelled “Sanji! Hey, why don’t we put these in!” And Sanji, when he saw this, looked about angry enough to explode in on himself, but he saw a quick smile flash on his face as he pushed Luffy away from the kitchen, laughing all the while.

And when the two sat down together, it was just them, though Sanji wondered if the others had been woken up by the racket. And Luffy devoured the meat as he saw it, giggling and overstuffing himself like usual. And when Sanji blinked, there was a little bit of a tilt-shift, and again he could see it, the way he looked back then and it caused him to dig his fork into the table with pure rage. And again he spited himself, but he knew Luffy wouldn’t want that, and he knew that these feelings were going to kill him if he went on like this.

All his life his past had been fighting him, constantly pulling him down into the darkest depths of the ocean... And he hated it for everything that it was. But he knew he had to be like Luffy. That he had to face the future now.

“Thanks, Luffy.” He said as they dined together, a small smile on his face once more as he enjoyed his captain’s presence.

He heard no response.

He looked over, and Luffy had put his fork down shakily. There were tears coming out of his eyes like he was mourning something that wasn’t there. And once again the atmosphere came crashing down on him both, and Sanji pulled him into an embrace once again.

“Wh-why am I crying, Sanji?” He wondered out loud, pulling down the brim of his hat. “I’m really happy when I’m here with you, so why does it feel so bad?”

Sanji brought him closer, feeling his heart quake. “It’s not always going to feel good. That’s what recovery is. Rely on me. I’ll be there for you. And I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

“It feels bad sometimes for no reason?”

“Yeah. It was always hard for me. Even when I got to the Baratie. I was still haunted by thoughts of my family.” He grasped both his hands. “This is normal. And it’s not something that makes you weak. Showing emotions like this makes you strong.”

Luffy wiped away tears with his hands. “But It was over the day Zoro found me.” 

“It wasn’t over the day you reached out my hand and took me to the sea.” Sanji told him “That was the beginning. And this is a beginning, too. For all of us.” 

“A beginning…” 

“Just like you were for me, Luffy.” He told him. _Just like you were for everyone._

And he held him there until Luffy’s crying faded like the end of a mournful piano recital, and he laid his head down gently on the table. He took a blanket from the corner of the room and draped it onto him, hoping it would keep him warm in body and spirit.

He sat next to him. Staring at the figure of his captain beside him, his eyes traced the scars down his arm. And gently, to be sure not to wake him up, he lightly ran his fingers across them.

He thought of his own scars, and how deeply they now matched Luffy’s. Perhaps it made sense. They were destined to ride this ship, so it should be no surprise their skin now looked the same. Constellations had shapes and patterns for a reason. They all meant something, they all existed as a message. And if he could read them, he would be certain it would be among the saddest things he’d ever read. That’s why people like the two of them had to stick together in this world. It was all they could do, one final protest against the cruelty of circumstance.

* * *

Luffy was well enough to spend time with the others, and soon the spirit of the ship returned. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were back to playfully singing, Nami perked picked tangerines with Robin above the deck, and Brook and Franky continued to perform duets. Even Sanji seemed happier while cooking, not weighed down by a past everyone but Luffy had given up on unraveling. He too looked forward to those sunlit naps with his back against the rough wood of the ship. The crew’s chatter was a calming sound, but Luffy’s laugh made his heart soar like nothing else.

And during dark days, when Luffy wordlessly climbed into the hammock beside him, he didn’t say a word. He just held him until the earth no longer shook, until the ocean waves laid still.

They would be there whenever he woke up from nightmares. Softly, they would stroke his hair and sing him back to sleep. Robin was especially good at this, reading to him and sending him back to sleep with the exciting tales(or boring anecdotes) of her books. It was a gift in its own right, how every member of their crew had a distinct way of comforting them and being there for him.

Nami would bring him tangerines and draw him things. Usopp brought him fresh flowers from his garden (which he proceeded to eat, to Usopp's horror) Chopper was the perfect size for cuddling, and yet he was also the one who cried the most- his sheer love for Luffy could put the little reindeer into tears sometimes. Franky was a good older role model, there to listen and talk He was naturally funny, had a way of getting people out of their worries with his lighthearted personality. And brook would play his songs until he could finally fall asleep.

Nobody talked about what happened. Nobody really could. But Luffy never hid his scars. And the guilt never really went away, no matter how much he willed it too.

Sabo came to see him a lot. He was always more aggressive, more chaotic when Luffy was. When Sabo first visited the boat, Luffy only woke up once. Without a way to take out his anger, he left the ship and ventured to some local islands. 

One day, Zoro woke up to see the sky red. He wondered how much Sabo had burned.

Law was closer to Luffy after this. The otherwise cold and quiet man had always had somewhat of a natural friendship with Luffy, despite their extremely different temperaments. He was more protective of them after this, they all were. But well Sabo was vicious, Law was filled with a quiet, dark rage. In a way, it was far more terrifying than the anger of anyone else.

And Zoro would never forget the way they first saw Luffy fight again.

It was just a Marine ship, It should have been easy fodder. Zoro was right beside him when it happened, enveloped in the fog of war. He saw something snap in Luffy’s face. It was just like the first time he saw Sabo. They both looked possessed when they fought as if they had channeled some deep energy inside themselves. He felt his Haki, swirling, red, and vicious. It had never felt so burdened with the intent to kill. He tore them all apart. Merciless and ruthless. Zoro felt the blaze of conquerors Haki wash over him and it made him quake. Luffy had gotten stronger, scarier. There was an instant where Luffy stared back at him, covered in the blood of his own enemies, a deep and crimson red that reminded Zoro of memories he wanted to bury in the ground.

But with viciousness came gentleness. He saw Luffy sit with Sanji on the docks, the stars covering them with a faint and peaceful light. He figured something had happened between them. Maybe Sanji had absolved himself of some of that burden he had carried for so, so long. But he felt it too- that guilt gnawing at him like a shark. The desire to want to have been able to protect him. Nobody who walked beside Luffy was very different after all, least of all him and Sanji.

And he saw Luffy standing on the figurehead like he always did. He struck Zoro breathless with how royal he looked, nearly knocking him over. “Zoro.” He said.

“Luffy.” He stood behind him. Time had passed. Luffy was looking more like himself every day. And part of him was always going to be different. He’d have to work with that, learn how to walk beside that part of himself.

“Look.” He said. In the distance, he saw a dolphin streak through the water like muddled starlight. His eyes were fixated on it, like a child watching a toy.

“I always wanted to be like that!” He mentioned. “That’s why I wanted to be Pirate King.”

“I know.” _You are that, in a way. Always moving forward. Reaching farther than anybody else. An embodiment of hope in the finest sense. It's what you hold inside yourself._

“But I wonder, what is freedom, really? What do you think freedom is, Zoro?”

His heart stilled a little. “Don’t tell me you’re going back on your dreams.” But he knew that Luffy never would.

He giggled. “You know I wouldn’t!” 

Zoro sat beside him for a while, cross-legged next to Luffy, watching the pod of dolphins underneath the blazing sun. “Freedom to me is being by your side. If I can be by your side, I’m happy. There’s nothing that’s been more fulfilling to me than all the adventures I’ve had with you.”

“So then, you’re already just like those dolphins, right?” Luffy asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. But you won’t be free until you’re pirate king, will you?”

He shook his head. “No, I won’t. But..”

He looked deeply into Zoro. “I wonder what kind of freedom I really have! Freedom can go or stay at any time, I think. Freedom from each other, Freedom from ourselves, Or freedom from pain… Freedom is a force others can give or take."

“And they took it from you.”

He nodded.

“People will even be able to take away my freedom when I’m Pirate King. I’ll be like a fish out of water, struggling to swim. “ He put his hand in front of his face. “So I think the Freedom I’m searching for...doesn’t exist.”

Zoro’s breath caught in his throat. This had changed Luffy in an unimaginable way. He never thought he’d hear Luffy speak in this manner. To Luffy, freedom was of the utmost value. It was one of his driving forces. So to think something like this could turn such a big part of himself on its head was scary.

But then he remembered how he lost Kuina. How the way he viewed the world completely flipped. How for a while, he fought for himself and only himself. Things like this could change the very fabric of who someone was. But Luffy was still Luffy, no matter what.

“I think you’re already free, Luffy.” He told him sincerely.

“As long as I’m with you, as long as I’m with this crew.” He smiled. “No matter how much anybody hurts me, or how hard the world tries to get me, I’ll be free.” He looked at Zoro with a vivid honesty. “I think I’m happier now. Because I know I don’t have to be afraid. Well, I never really was afraid! But now I think...To the government, or the marines, or whatever other enemies there are: I say let them come! I...As long as I’m free, and as long as I’m with you. I can do anything. I can become Pirate King!”

Zoro looked deeply into his eyes, magnificent as they were, flowing with a spirit like the sea. “I think we’re going to die the freest people on earth.”

“Hehe! Yeah! Everyone else. And then you and me, Zoro. You and me.” And he smiled.

And he grabbed Zoro’s arms and toppled them down into the ocean. Zoro cried out, and Luffy gave a songlike joyful laugh as they plunged into the water. And yet again the beautiful light of the sun sparkled down on the ocean with beautiful spots of sunshine, lighting up the first mate with his beloved captain in soulful embrace as they kept each other above water with the strength of their hearts. 

And he carried Luffy away and on the edge of the ship, but he was no longer bleeding with the blood of his life but bleeding with hope and spirit, that kind of vivid love that mixed in with his own and made the world an even brighter place. And they laughed, taking each other into that endless, beautiful journey filled with pain and tragedy and love and being, and they enjoyed every moment of their freedom like it was just another wave across the ocean of all that they knew.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
